Are you being bully and verbally abuse?

There are circumstances where you are being insulted, accused, demoralised, underestimated etc. In some cases you are being used by your supervisor to do their jobs, to write paper for them, do their research, teach their subjects etc. being a good-hearted person and in the name of learning process then we follow the order even though sometimes it is not right for us to do that. it’s not wrong to follow but there is certain limitation for that. it’s time to rethink if it’s divert our attention and energy from our research.

what is it bully? this is the definition by university of melbourne postgraduate association (UMPA) based on the Victorian Occupational Health and Safety Act 1985:

DEFINITIONS (here)
Bullying is unwelcome or unreasonable behaviour that demeans, intimidates or humiliates people either as individuals or as a group. Bullying behaviour is often persistent and part of a pattern, but it can also occur as a single incident. It is usually carried out by an individual but can also be an aspect of group behaviour (see “mobbing” below). Some examples of bullying behaviour are:
Verbal communication
• Abusive and offensive language
• Insults
• Teasing
• Spreading rumour and innuendo
• Unreasonable criticism
• Trivialising of work and achievements
Manipulating the work environment
• Isolating people from normal work interaction
• Excessive demands
• Intentionally under-using a person’s time and skills
• Setting impossible deadlines
Psychological manipulation
• Unfairly blaming for mistakes

Setting people up for failure
• Deliberate exclusion
• Excessive supervision
• Practical jokes
• Belittling or disregarding opinions or suggestions
• Criticising in public
Context is important in understanding bullying, particularly verbal communication. There is a difference between friendly insults exchanged by long-time work colleagues and comments that are meant to be, or are taken as, demeaning. While care should be exercised, particularly if a person is reporting alleged bullying as a witness, it is better to be genuinely mistaken than to let actual bullying go unreported.

I knew few cases where phd students being demoralised, insulted and bully. this is few cases where i think is part of the bully that should not happen:

“your english is so foolish…”

“this is not Malaysian english you know…” (include with bad body language too)

“this fund is for you to go for conference not to fund your holiday”..(verbal accuse before hear the student justification)

“i know you won’t make it…” (even though the student is progressing and producing quite well)

“with this level of english…i will give you master by research only”

“this research is not up to phd level..” (the research already approved by the confirmation committee)

“i am the one who do the writing not you…” (the student paper already accepted and praise by the reviewing committee  that well written. the sv is the co-author of the student paper)

“i don’t care about your family…” etc

“my dear student, i got another offer at other place. so today is my last day to meet you. i won’t be here anymore next week. mr so and so will take care of you and your research. nice working with you. i wish you good luck for your remaining phd”

i think this also some sort of bully if:

“the student progressing well according to the plan being agreed upon before, being confirmed up to the phd level, then up to the end let’s say at the 3 1/5 years where the student ready to submit and everything is completed then there you go the new idea that pop up to the supervisor’s mind. out of nowhere he suggest to add another objective, another chapter, or another experiment bla bla bla… then what option  we have? to follow or not to follow?

to follow?

how about our time and scholarship? How it will affect our energy and motivation to go ahead? how about the effect to the whole research? etc

not to follow?

how the relationship will be? are you consider stubborn? are you allow to submit then? does he want to sign my submission? etc

by right

whose responsibility is to make our phd is up to phd level?

Whose responsibility to guide us to the right level of english?

Are we here to become their slave?

Are they going to say the same thing if the student is Australian?

who will help the student if there is a conflict?

will the helper is sincere and courage enough to help us?

are we have the right to refuse?

this sort of dilemma always playing around us along the journey…that’s why relationship with the supervisor is crucial. however as a student we have the right to defend ourselves. the only problem is we don’t have enough courage to confront the situation and make a solid decision. does not mean we are against our supervisors. i mean, we know and feel what is right and what is wrong from the body language, from the continuity of action, from consideration, from the gut feeling that you have, from your capability etc. it’s hard to make decision, but not doing one also a decision.

from my observation, threaten student in the name of english weakness is some kind of verbally abuse and demoralisation intention. in some cases is to make the student feel stupid, so the supervisor has the control over the student mind as his/her superior.  it’s intentionally to escape in the near future if they can’t deliver the level of expectation for supervising the student up to the level expected as professional.

we are here to learn and we are willing to learn. the government pay a lot of money for them to guide us, not to insult us. average fee for phd is aud25000 (RM75000) per year. what if 3 to 4 years just for the svs to meet us once a month or once persemester. then blaming us saying that our works and sometime the student not qualify to do phd. do you know that no australian citizen will study at postgraduate level if they don’t get scholarship. they even do phd for free plus with the allowance.one master student (by research) told me that no one will do master if they don’t get the scholarship.

i am not advice the student to keep fighting your supervisor. but there are times when you should stand up and show the courage to defend what you think right in the professional manner. furthermore, we are the one that should have the expertise in that area. that’s part of the indicators to show that you are qualify to become a phd holder later. i don’t think accepting everything the supervisor ask you to do is a wise decision. refusing to do everything also not a good move either. so, think and pray for the right decision base on your capability…

phd journey is not easy, but the journey supposes to be an enjoyable learning experiences with a flourish relationship in a supportive environment. i believe  we learn better in a conducive environment. if you learn better in a suffering condition then be it. we are the one who decide and responsible on our decision. it’s much easier to pull a rope up to the hill than push it. i don’t believe we need to suffer to get a phd because we have an option to make decision. even though being in the state of suffering is one way of learning, but i am not ready to choose that path. i prefer a path where i can control the outcomes and stay motivated along the way from the beginning till the end. without anyone has the authority to demoralised me all the time.

refer your uni website on bully policy, or postgrad guidelines. every uni has their own postgrad support unit in the faculty and postgrad centre. what you need is a little bit of courage to step forward to face the situation…this is for your future as well…

making a tough decision always hard but not making one is always harder…or put it like this…why not make a tough decision now rather than face a tougher situation later?

share your experience, what is the toughest decision you have made in your phd journey…

(Things don’t kill you will make you stronger)

Sssshhh….Papa is doing his PhD

ssshh sign on my door…i put it there even though my kids can’t read…

Not everybody jump into phd journey with kids. I don’t mean life much easier without kids. but i am sure travel along phd trip with kids bring different experiences and challenges.  everybody faces different reality and personality. let’s share our experiences so others can learn something.

I don’t know how many times my kids got confused with my behaviour….I am very unpredictable sometime. I don’t even know myself in certain time. In split second I change from laughter to a really uncontrollable situation. Pity them. They have to bear with this situation for a while. But when it happens I feel really upset with myself. How can I become like that? Sometime i also don’t know the answer.

Emotional roller coaster really struck me. It’s hard to explain the feeling but when it happens it does not make me happy. Anybody who has gone through the PhD process probably understands the feeling. I don’t know other people. What I share is what is happening to me. A lot of things are playing around my head and at the same time juggle with a lot of things. A lot of uncontrollable situation but one thing for sure is our kids, they need attention as well.

What is happening is not their fault. We are the one who choose to do our PhD. We choose the supervisor, we choose the place, university, the topic, the struggle etc not them. They are here to be with us. To laugh together and to see our success later. Their sacrifices suppose to be our motivations to move forward when we feel like want surrender, when we feel like we are so stupid, when we feel down or when we feel like want to stop this journey.

One way for me to cool down the chaotic feeling is by meeting other people…talking about any other things…about daily life, sport, political etc…you will be surprised to know that your problem is small compare to others… it make you realise that how lucky you are to take the path you have taken. It’s not so much the problem of your PhD, sometime it’s about how you manage yourself. When i am ok then my kids is not big deals anymore…for the time being….

So, share with me/us how you deal with your emotional turbulence….

One sure way to fail your Phd-100% sure

hi,

i got this through my observation and knowledge sharing in postgrad session somewhere. even though i am not finish yet but i am trying hard not to do this. so, what is one sure way to fail my phd and your phd? 100% sure!

one thing for sure is not hand over the Damn Thick Book!!!

the thick book is dedicated especially for three or four person in this whole big world. that’s for your (1) main supervisor, (2) co-supervisor, (3) examiner 1, and (4) examiner 2. that’s all. nobody else will bother to read whole of our thick book. not even your mom, your wife or your kids…probably someone in our area going to take a glance what we wrote in there.

here some good statistic to feel good with (Australian case only, not sure other place):

- 60% manage to finish their phd (40% drop out due to various reasons such as health problems, fight with supervisor, supervisor died, too passion with their area and they don’t want to finish their study, don’t think they need a phd etc)

- 1% failure rate after thick book submission (so we have 99% success rate if we submit)

-100% failure rate if we tend to keep the book ourselves

finding shows that most examiners would like to pass the thick book they examined. so, we have greater chance (99% is not a bad statistic) to pass. if you want to know what examiners expect from our thick book maybe you can read the articles ‘It’s a PhD, not a Nobel Prize’ by Mullin and Kiley (2002). i will share about this later.

so guys, take the effort to write, compile and most important is submit it. don’t underestimate yourself and what your thick book can do. i am sure there is someone will appreciate what we wrote inside there.

it’s not a good strategy in our life to throw out our 3 or 4 years of hard work to the drain. better not start it at the first place. by submitting our thesis probably we have completed our journey…journey to the unknown territory…

what next?

at Uni Melbourne they will give you balloon when you submit the thick book for examination. make sure you get the balloon and run around the uni before you go back.

in other words, finish it and hand over the Damn Thick Book…..

“You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

~Wayne Gretzky~

Snack writing

snack writing is not writing while eating snack. snack writing is a writing technique in a short block of time eg. 2 hours block. everyday. uninterrupted. without fail. i push myself to keep on doing snack writing. i know it’s hard to write even one line. at least one line is better than nothing. it’s one way to write consistently all the way through your phd period.

there is a story one of presenter at CAPA share with me about a working mom who finish her phd in three years by having the attitude of snack writing. she keeps on writing 2 hours a day without miss everyday from 6am to 8am before she went to work. let us do the numbers – if in 2 hours per day you can produce only 1 page, if we do snack writing 5 days a week (20 days/month=240 days/year), then we will have 240 pages after one year. if one page = 350 words X 240=84,000 words. probably we can submit our thesis in one year ha ha….

the best part of having eg. one page of written material give me the sense of accomplishment for that day…the one pages will throw away my guilt of doing nothing for the day. so i can sleep well that night. that’s why i always write early in the morning after subuh prayer when my kids is sleeping and my mind is till fresh. if you can produce more is much better because it’s easier to edit later than writing in a hurry.

i know it’s easier say than do. sometime we don’t have the ‘mood’ to write.but if we determine enough it will become a habit to us. mood is a matter of habit like eating lunch. every noon our stomach feel hungry because we set our mind and body to eat everyday at that time. so make sure we set our mind and body at particular time to write, write and write until it becomes a habit. our THICK BOOK is not one day job. you can’t write 80,000 words in one month either. it’s an ongoing task from day one you enroll into your candidature. don’t expect it to be perfect, just go into the writing position and push the keyboard. you do it everyday then you will see the pages grow as well as your motivation. then you have something to move around later to complete your phd puzzle at the end of your phd period rather than nothing.

also you can share your writing tips with us in the comment box…

therefore (usual concluding remark ha ha…), JUST DO IT!!!

How not to get a phd?

at the beginning of my phd candidature my sv (chris) give me this book-how to get a phd. He mentioned about other things in the book. But what struck me the most is one section in this book about ‘how not to get a phd’. It is one way of thinking how to get through with our phd is by thinking what i shouldn’t do in order for me to get a phd. This is quite interesting way of thinking. Or maybe part of critical thinking though…

in phd there are people who are lucky enough in their phd which they gone through without hassle and maximum stress level, but there are who are unfortunate in phd journey. I salute this kind of people as well for the courage they have to face the challenges. I am sure they are better and wiser along the journey. I’ve heard more than one case where everything is just fine during the process until the end of phd- their sv is lovely, the work is good, relationship going smoothly etc but it end up in turbulence. I pray a lot it’s not happening to me but God knows better. I plan but at the same time God also plan something for me.

This is the list from this book on ‘how not to get a phd’:

1. Not wanting a phd.
2. Not understanding the nature of a phd by overestimate what is required.
3. Not understanding the nature of a phd by underestimating what is required.
4. Not having a supervisor who knows what a phd requires
5. Losing contact with the supervisor
6. Not having a thesis (not that thick ‘book’, not having a thesis means you are not having an argument on a position or your argument is not justified)
7. Taking a new job before finishing.

A lot can be discussed about the list above but i advise you to have a look at the book. Quite interesting.

also, I conducted my own version of ‘how not to get a phd’ last year to share with some friends at coffee session at Malaysia hall early of this year. This short survey is to senior academics at architecture fac at Melbourne uni. There are professors, asst prof and senior lecturer who responded to my email regarding this. I list down the findings on ‘how not to get a phd’:

1. Asking a very big question- the larger the question the more difficult to answer in a phd
2. Read everything on the topic – you cannot read everything on the topic in 3 years
3. Enquire about the deeper meaning of every word- follow every word and you will get lost.
4. Having a bad supervisor or a supervisor who is not compatible in terms of work style
5. Being unwilling to put in the real time required
6. Keep changing your topic
7. Fail to critically challenge your literature (after all some of it will be rubbish)
8. By not beginning to write from day one
9. Thinking phd is the ultimate goal, rather than a step along a career path
10. Thinking phd is a perfect document (thus spending too much time refining instead of completing)
11. Not consult widely enough with fellow students, other academics, supervisory panels, administrative staff to understand expected intellectual level, progress, reportage and knowledge contribution within the phd

Hope this sharing might help you in some way. Maybe there are other suggestions from who has a bad or good experience on do’s and don’ts during phd process that can share to us. Sharing your experience may help others from following your footsteps. Sharing in some way might reduce your guiltiness or blaming yourselves. Help others in some way help you as well.

So friends, please share your experiences. Any advices also welcome here. It might not relevant to everybody but it might help somebody….sharing is helping

Why you need the Dr. in front of your name?

 

This is my third year into my phd trip. a trip because i think phd is a short time travel into a research process. why phd is really matter to me and you? is it by having the Dr in front of my name make me better? it doesn’t mean i am better than anyone else but i am qualify and suppose to be better in giving my opinion because i already gone through a process of becoming better. to get a license to explore more my research area in future. like getting a driving license before you can drive a BMW/Honda/Ferrari etc. what if you don’t have the license? you  still can do the research, publish writing material but you are less qualify to say something compare than you have the Dr in front of your name.

on top of that, having Dr in front of your name open to a lot of opportunity. opportunity does mean you can make a lot of money. there are many type of opportunities-people will listen to you so you can deliver your knowledge better and easier, you are a qualified to become a main reference in your area so it is easier for public to refer someone who brave enough to say something within your expertise.

to me, a researcher is a professional profession as well like an engineer, a doctor, a bus driver, a welder etc. professional is someone who is an expert in his/her area. if you want to become an expert in childhood education, blasting specialist, bridge specialist, tajwid specialist, corporate real estate specialist etc, then be it. no worries , mate (like the oz always say). that’s why along the phd process is an opportunity to learn, manoeuvre and shape our specialisation so deep until in the end we are the one who reach up to that depth. no one ever reach to that place, then we can justify we are the expert in that area because we already up to that level.

decide a solid reason for why you want to have a phd or a Dr in front of your name. one is enough for you to carry until you finish your phd.

so…why you want to do your phd? i want to complete my phd because….

What hold you back?

i know i am running out of time. i know i have to start writing madly if i want complete on time. I know what to do. but what hold me back? i am trying to find what is the problem with me. things just don’t move at all. stuck. very slow.   i switch on my computer there must be something other than phd that i will look after. i know it’s just a reason to sabotage myself. indiscipline. at the end i sleep with frustration of myself. argghh…

i need to solve this problem asap. or else everything will be bottle neck and chaotic. probably a promise or a reward might help to push me a little bit. don’t have to be super fast like usain bolt…watson nyambek should be ok. anyway beginning from today i will write at least 1 page a day. 2 pages consider as a bonus. i have 7 months to my submition target, that’s mean 7 X 30 = 210 pages. wow! i can finish my writing on time if i put some commitment to my time. how about give myself a reward of  a new car after finish phd..something to remember…but doesn’t seem motivate me enough…probably something more meaningful….?

The power of goal setting

This happen to me a few times. by setting a due date or a goal what you want i want to achieve seems that everything moving towards the direction. probably the law of attraction is apply to what we have set. for those who not aware of this theory. it says that when we set a goal of what we want, the universe include the moon, land, stars, sun, tree, human being, nature, universe and of course the God will help us to make it happen. everything include me will moving toward one direction. i went to a course run by melbourne uni in my first year two years ago, the facilitator said the first thing i should do is to  write a state. the statement sounds like this ” I WILL COMPLETE MY PHD BY….(DATE)”. that is why i wrote my goal to finish my phd by 31 august 2010. i also set a few dateline along the way to make sure i don’t miss it. and it works so far…

i think dateline is important in our phd especially for things like confirmation, ethics approval/meeting, fieldwork application, etc. this become more crucial when we face the christmas season. if you miss to settle something before 15 december, probably you have to wait till february before you can meet the panel, professors and even your supervisor. i really pay close attention to this dateline. so far my phd run quite smoothly in term of managing my dateline. i got confirm on time, got AUD3000 for fieldwork grant from faculty where i submit nearly dateline and my supervisor nearly went away a day before that, my ethics application with small amendment few days before i went to the fieldwork. wow..sometime look like i am lucky and God help me a lot. but i really make sure what i should do and what date line is nearly coming.

few problems face by in managing time because we pay less attention to Quadran 2 (refer covey’s book). Quadran 2 activities are about something important but not urgent. simple example is we need to service our car, it’s not urgent but it is important. what happen if we don’t service it-the car broke and it will cost you trouble, time, more cost, stress, accident etc. if you fix your car earlier probably this problems won’t trouble you that much. a lot of things that not urgent but important-built up repo with supervisor, friends, taing care your health, saving money etc.

what i do to make me focus is by setting my own phd framework. i have my ‘snake’ and my gantt chart in front of me at my wall. so when i get bored of something i will look at my ‘snake’. how surprise you will be that actually i don’t have much time left for me to complete my goal or my time here (as a sponsored student la). so even i don’t do much, but my thinking and energy still attach to my phd. at least i can see something that feel good about my past achievement, ‘hopefully’ this will help me to move forward…even though sometime doesn’t help much ha ha…. so, use what ever tool you have to keep you focus for long time even your family foto. good luck and keep focusing your focus.

(the ‘snake’-one year to go daaa)

Let’s have a safe journey….into a phd trip

salam sejahtera &  good day,

this blog as a platform for me and everybody to share experiences, knowledge, tips, do’s and don’t's, advices and anything that help or anything that ruins your phd trip, anything you want to say or release your stress. forget about the grammar and mistake in language as long as the reader can understand. don’t bother what others will say about what you have said. no hard feeling for the response from others. willing to accept contrast idea is part of the challenge in phd.

i am just a somebody who is throwing my thought through this blog for the betterment of my, you or our phd trip. so, make use of this platform as usual as you want. also we can share this blog to our friends in Malaysia, UK, US, Australia, Indonesia or anywhere they are. good luck in our trip…have a safe journey … to your phd…

jalil